Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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