dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
we should paint friendship bongs
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