Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
