I just made out with a guy for $7.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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