So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
