and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
