we have pet lesbian snakes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
