yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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