dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize