Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
