This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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