I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
