I hate all girls vehemently.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
