How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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