I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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