she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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