Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
