He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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