I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
