I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
