i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
