how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
