I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
