You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
