I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
