i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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