My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
