i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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