nut hugger
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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