$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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