Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
