Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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