i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
