Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My balls are so social today.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
