you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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