kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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