Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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