I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
