drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
