so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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