wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
