There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
