I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
