The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
