a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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