dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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