Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
