I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
