just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize