new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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