when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
