if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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