At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
