honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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