I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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