Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I love having hate sex.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
