dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
