Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
