she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
