Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my liver is dry heaving
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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