u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
