Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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