the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
