Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize