There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
