Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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