4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
