Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
