your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
