Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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